blessed sleep

mournings. the dawn rolls up my dreams of her and lovers and joy pure laughter and wrestles it from my mind, bleeding away its vibrant colors and replacing it with the paint and glass and tree leaves and the textures of flannel sheets. peel my eyes open and find the alarm has been on for an hour and i am already late.

blessed sleep.

"Oh Dear God, Save me from myself. Allow me to curl under the weights and palpable stresses of this so-called reality and sleep."

(please)

she returns to me for a short time and holds my heart close, soothing away all my terrors. i am free. i am whole. i am a man, no... more...

i am a person.

unfortunately, again this bleeds away soon enough, leaving me to fumble for my man-shorts, a pair of differently sized socks, the denim of the working class, and my bright orange tee so as i won't be mistaken for fowl or beast and shot down on the the freeway. pick out the blood controlling drugs in the appropriate doses so i can walk down the stairs. a hat to control my wild hair, screw it on tight and keep my mind together. grab up my black bag of busy work. open the door and the world presses my face into the hard expressions of need and duty.

still, i miss her already.

who wouldn't?

i've been picked up

by the new york review:

http://newyorkreview.org/mag/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=151&Itemid=40




cool.

kād'ns

cadence. kadentsu.

the fall. rhythm. frequency.

happiness. anguish. bliss. sorrow.

the symbol begins with the spiral of potential energy, doubly so, creating the expanding/contracting waveform. this is constrained by the earth in all directions, my material manifestation. i am in constant motion and fluctuation, frequency marked by the alternating light/dark runes.

...the word cadence is also related to 'chance' by way of the latin 'cadere' (to fall) and sanskrit 'sad' (to fall off). interestingly enough, the modern english 'chance' sounds a lot like 'chants', which is something one might do with cadence, a canter... a cantare...

kadenz. my chosen name.

shock. awe.

the acceleration is unbelievable. my body leans forward as the inertia of the mass of the universe presses against my skin. the weight of a hundred thousand stories buffets me and i face headward, fighting, stretching, and aching to see. as usual, the rush of it all continues to increase exponentially. faster. more. higher. farther.

my eyes well up in tears and i cant understand if it is my heart weeping, or if it is the wind of the world tearing through me again. blink. shudder. twist.

the forms that reach my retina are blurred and murked against that backdrop of the expected and known. flashes of light and waves of color march steadily to me and rip past at breakneck speeds sometimes leaving only a scent. burnt wood. vanilla. grass. sea.

who do i think i am to tame this?

it cant be done. this i am understanding. the shock. the mortal. the cascade. this continues until it stops and once having stopped i will either yearn for its return, lamenting those good old slow days of lazing in the heat of that brilliant sun and sweating against her heat… or null.

it moves so fast. so fucking fast.

quickly now.